EMDR grief therapy: how it can help after a traumatic loss

When someone you love dies suddenly, or when the circumstances surrounding their death feel traumatic or unresolved, the usual patterns of grief can become complicated. Bereavement support helps many people, but it may not be enough when memories of the death are traumatic. This is where EMDR can help.

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) was originally developed for trauma, and some clinicians use it with grief that involves traumatic memories, although the research on EMDR for grief is still limited. Unlike conventional bereavement counselling, which often focuses on talking through feelings and memories, EMDR works directly with how traumatic loss is stored in your brain and body.

Understanding complicated grief

Grief becomes complicated when it feels stuck, overwhelming, or interferes significantly with your daily life long after the loss. This often happens when:

• The death was sudden, unexpected, or traumatic
• You witnessed the death or discovered the body
• The relationship was complicated or unresolved
• Multiple losses occurred close together
• You blame yourself or feel responsible
• The death involved violence, suicide, or accident

For bereavement support outside therapy, Cruse Bereavement Support offers a free helpline on 0808 808 1677. If you have lost someone to suicide, Support After Suicide Partnership lists specialist help across the UK.

Traditional grief counselling might help you understand these feelings, but if the memories of the loss or surrounding events feel intrusive, overwhelming, or “frozen”, you may need an approach that works with trauma responses directly.

How EMDR grief therapy works

EMDR helps your brain process traumatic memories by using bilateral stimulation, typically through guided eye movements while recalling distressing experiences. During EMDR grief therapy, you’ll work with specific memories or images related to the loss that feel particularly disturbing.

The process doesn’t erase memories or eliminate grief, which is a natural and necessary response to loss. Instead, it helps reduce the emotional charge of traumatic memories so they feel less overwhelming. You might notice that intrusive images become less vivid, physical sensations of panic subside, or negative beliefs about yourself (“I should have prevented it”) begin to shift.

When it works, EMDR can help people remember their loved one with sadness rather than being overwhelmed by distressing memories.

The difference from traditional bereavement support

Traditional grief counselling often emphasises talking through your feelings, exploring the relationship with the deceased, and finding meaning in the loss. This remains valuable for many aspects of grief. However, when grief involves traumatic elements, talking alone may not be enough.

EMDR grief therapy differs in several key ways:

• It targets specific traumatic memories rather than general grief feelings
• You don’t need to spend extensive time talking about details
• It works with body sensations and images, not just thoughts
• It focuses directly on intrusive memories and images
• It can address PTSD symptoms that may accompany traumatic loss

For instance, if you keep seeing disturbing images of the accident scene or hospital room, traditional counselling might help you understand why these memories feel stuck, but EMDR can help your brain process them so they lose their traumatic impact.

When EMDR grief therapy might help

Consider EMDR grief therapy if you’re experiencing:

• Flashbacks or intrusive images related to the death
• Intense physical reactions when reminded of the loss
• Avoidance of places, people, or activities connected to your loved one
• Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
• Sleep problems involving distressing dreams
• Panic attacks or severe anxiety since the loss
• Feeling “stuck” despite other forms of support

The convenience of online EMDR sessions means you can access this specialised support from the comfort of your own space, which can feel particularly important when grief makes it difficult to leave home.

Combining approaches for complete support

EMDR grief therapy works well alongside other forms of bereavement support. You might use EMDR to process the traumatic aspects of your loss whilst also engaging in traditional grief counselling to explore your ongoing relationship with grief, meaning-making, or practical adjustments to life without your loved one.

Some people find that once the traumatic elements are processed through EMDR, they’re better able to engage with other forms of grief support that previously felt overwhelming.

Healing from complicated grief takes time, and there’s no standard timeline for recovery. EMDR may help make the most distressing parts of your loss more manageable, so you have more room to grieve.

If you’re struggling with complicated grief and wondering whether EMDR therapy online might help, get in touch with our team. We can discuss whether this approach might be suitable for your particular situation and help you take the first steps towards healing.