Couples therapy

What is couples therapy?

Couples therapy is a form of psychological therapy that focuses on the relationship between two people rather than on either individual alone. It provides a structured, supportive space where both partners can explore the difficulties they are experiencing, understand what is driving them, and develop healthier ways of relating to each other.

A common misconception is that couples therapy is only for relationships in crisis. In reality, many couples come to therapy at very different stages, from dealing with a specific issue such as an affair, to addressing a gradual erosion of closeness that has built up over time. Some couples come precisely because they want to strengthen a relationship that is already working reasonably well.

Couples therapy can help with communication breakdown, recurring conflict, emotional disconnection, trust issues, differences around parenting, sexual difficulties, and navigating significant life changes. In most cases, both partners attend sessions together, though individual sessions may also be beneficial as part of the wider work.

What makes couples therapy different from talking things through on your own is the presence of a trained psychologist who can identify the patterns you might not see from inside the relationship. Often, the very things each partner does to try to improve the situation are inadvertently making it worse. Therapy helps you step back, see those patterns clearly, and find a different way forward.

Common issues we help with

Relationships are complex, and the difficulties that bring couples to therapy vary widely. Here are some of the most common issues we work with.

Communication breakdown. Conversations become loaded, circular or shut down entirely. Therapy helps you understand what is getting in the way and develop more effective ways of talking and listening to each other.

Recurring arguments. When the same argument keeps happening without resolution, there is usually something deeper going on beneath the surface. Therapy helps you identify the underlying needs and emotions driving these cycles.

Trust and betrayal. Whether the issue is infidelity, dishonesty, or a gradual erosion of trust, therapy provides a structured process for working through the pain and deciding whether and how to rebuild.

Emotional distance. Some couples describe a slow drift apart, becoming more like housemates than partners. Therapy can help you understand what has created the distance and find ways to reconnect.

Parenting disagreements. Differences in parenting styles can create significant tension, particularly when they tap into deeper beliefs about family, control or identity. Therapy helps you find a shared approach that works for your family.

Life transitions. Having a baby, redundancy, retirement, illness, bereavement or children leaving home can all put enormous strain on a relationship. Therapy provides a space to process these changes together rather than struggling in parallel.

Sexual difficulties. Problems with intimacy can be both a symptom and a cause of wider relationship difficulties. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgemental space to explore what is going on and work towards change.

Deciding whether to stay together. Therapy does not have a predetermined outcome. It can help you gain clarity about what each of you needs and make a more informed decision about whether to work on the relationship or part ways respectfully.

How couples therapy works online

All of our couples therapy is delivered online via secure video. Both partners join the same video call, and your psychologist facilitates the session from their own location. You can be in the same room as your partner during the session, or you can join from different locations if that feels more comfortable or is more practical.

Online couples therapy works well for several reasons. Scheduling is more flexible because neither partner needs to travel, which matters when couples therapy requires both of you to be available at the same time. The online format creates a sense of neutral territory, reducing the feeling that one partner is on “home turf.” And many couples find that being in their own space makes it easier to be open and honest.

Research supports the effectiveness of online therapy for relationship difficulties. The therapeutic process, the depth of the work, and the outcomes are comparable to face-to-face therapy.

Sessions are 50 minutes and are held via a secure, encrypted video platform. For details on fees, visit our pricing page.

Our approach

At The Online Psychologists, our clinical psychologists draw on a range of evidence-based approaches in their work with couples. Because clinical psychologists are trained across multiple therapeutic models, they can tailor their approach to the specific dynamics of your relationship rather than applying a single method to every couple.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). One of the most well-researched approaches to couples therapy. EFT focuses on the emotional bonds between partners and the attachment patterns that shape how you relate. It helps couples identify the negative interaction cycles they get caught in, often a pattern where one partner pursues and the other withdraws, and works to create new, more secure ways of connecting.

Systemic approaches. Systemic therapy looks at the relationship as a whole system, exploring how the patterns, roles and dynamics are maintained by both partners. It considers how factors such as family of origin, culture and life context influence the way you relate. This approach is particularly useful when difficulties are deeply embedded in the structure of the relationship.

CBT-based couples interventions. Cognitive behavioural therapy can be applied to couples work by helping both partners identify the thoughts, assumptions and interpretations that contribute to conflict. If one partner consistently reads the other’s behaviour as intentionally hurtful, CBT helps bring these automatic interpretations into awareness and develop more balanced perspectives.

Schema therapy for couples. Schema therapy is particularly helpful when relationship difficulties are driven by deeper patterns each partner brings from their own history. Early life experiences shape core beliefs about abandonment, mistrust or emotional deprivation, and when these collide in a relationship they can create powerful dynamics. Schema therapy helps both partners understand their own patterns and find more adaptive ways of getting their needs met.

Your psychologist will discuss which approach, or combination of approaches, is best suited to your situation. The choice depends on the nature of your difficulties, the patterns at play, and what feels like the right fit for both of you.

What to expect

Couples therapy is a structured process, and knowing what to expect can help both partners feel more prepared.

Assessment. The first one or two sessions focus on understanding the difficulties from both partners’ perspectives. Your psychologist will hear from each of you about how you see the problems, what you have tried, and what you are hoping for. They may also ask about your relationship history and how the difficulties have developed. In some cases, each partner may be offered a brief individual session to share anything they might not feel comfortable raising jointly.

Formulation. Your psychologist will develop a formulation of the relationship pattern, a shared understanding of the dynamics keeping you stuck. This maps out how each partner’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours interact to maintain the difficulties. Many couples find this step valuable in itself, because it shifts the focus away from blame and towards understanding the pattern both partners are caught in.

Structured sessions. Sessions are collaborative and structured. Your psychologist guides the conversation, ensures both partners have space to speak, and intervenes when discussions escalate. The sessions are not about taking sides. Your psychologist’s role is to understand the pattern and help both of you find a way through it.

Between-session exercises. Your psychologist may suggest tasks between sessions, such as communication exercises, reflective questions, or specific experiments to try in your daily interactions. These are designed to help you practise new skills in real life, where it matters most.

Progress reviews. At regular intervals, your psychologist will review progress with both of you, reflecting on what is changing, what still feels stuck, and whether the approach needs adjusting.

Duration. A typical course involves 12 to 20 sessions, depending on the nature and complexity of the difficulties. Some couples address a specific issue in fewer sessions, while others benefit from longer-term work where deeper patterns are involved. Your psychologist will discuss expected timescales at the outset.

Individual and couples work

Sometimes, one or both partners may benefit from individual therapy alongside the couples work. This might be the case if one partner is dealing with anxiety or depression that is contributing to the relationship problems, or when deeper personal patterns need to be explored in a way that would not be productive in a joint session.

When individual and couples work run in parallel, it is usually best for different psychologists to provide each strand. This protects the neutrality of the couples therapist, who needs to be seen as impartial by both partners.

At The Online Psychologists, we can coordinate this effectively, matching you with appropriate psychologists from our team and ensuring the work is joined up with clear boundaries around confidentiality.

Frequently asked questions

Does my partner need to agree to therapy? Both partners need to be willing to engage for couples therapy to work. If your partner is hesitant, it can help to explain that therapy is not about blame or being told what to do, but about understanding the relationship pattern together. If your partner is not ready, you are welcome to start with individual therapy to explore the relationship difficulties from your own perspective, and couples therapy can be considered later if both of you are willing.

How long does couples therapy take? A typical course is 12 to 20 sessions, though this depends on the complexity of the difficulties. Some couples see meaningful progress within 8 to 10 sessions, particularly if the issue is relatively contained. For deeper, longer-standing patterns, a longer course may be recommended. Your psychologist will discuss expected timescales with you during the assessment.

Can you see us individually too? If individual therapy would be helpful alongside the couples work, we can arrange this with a different psychologist from our team. This ensures that the couples therapist remains neutral and both partners feel the process is fair. You can discuss this with your psychologist during the assessment.

Is online couples therapy as effective as in-person? Yes. Research supports the effectiveness of online therapy for relationship difficulties, and many couples find the online format has distinct advantages, including greater scheduling flexibility, the comfort of being in your own space, and the neutral territory that a video call provides. Our psychologists are experienced in delivering couples therapy online and the depth of the work is not compromised by the format.

What if we decide to separate? Couples therapy does not have a predetermined outcome. If, through the course of therapy, you decide that the relationship is not going to work, your psychologist can support you through that process too. This might involve helping you communicate the decision, manage the transition, and, where relevant, co-parent effectively. The goal is always the best outcome for both partners, whether that is staying together or parting ways respectfully.

What if one of us is more committed to therapy than the other? It is common for one partner to be more enthusiastic than the other. Therapy can still be effective when one partner is initially reluctant, provided both are willing to attend and participate. Often, the partner who was less keen finds that the process is different from what they expected and becomes more engaged over time.

How much does couples therapy cost? Sessions are £130 for 50 minutes, the same as our individual therapy sessions. For full details, see our pricing page.

Is what we say in couples therapy confidential? Yes. Your psychologist will discuss the boundaries of confidentiality at the outset, including how information from any individual sessions would be handled. As a general principle, your psychologist will not share information from an individual session with the other partner without your consent.

Getting started

Reaching out for couples therapy takes courage, particularly when the relationship feels strained. You do not need to have everything figured out before you get in touch.

The first step is to tell us what’s bringing you here. One of you can make the first contact, or you can do it together, whichever feels more comfortable. We will listen to what is going on, explain how we work, and match you with a psychologist whose expertise is suited to your situation.

Get started when you are ready. You can also find out more about our team and the approaches we use.